A Few Good Memes
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Yesterday I took to r/ProgrammerHumor to reply to this post about code review. I used a meme I crafted back in September and posted this meme as I was preparing for quarterly performance review season. It since has gotten some replies that have me laughing out loud. Recording for prosperity.
We live in a world that has code, and that code has to be perfect. Who’s going to ensure that? You? You, with your lenient comments? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for your feelings and you curse the review process; you have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that my critique, while harsh, probably saved the project. And my existence, while meticulous and unkind, brings us closer to a flawless system. You want me to be nicer? You can’t handle the nicest! Because deep down in places you don’t talk about at stand-ups, you want me on that review. You need me on that review.
We use words like “optimize,” “refactor,” “debug.” These words are the backbone of our development process. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to someone who rises and sleeps under the very quality code that I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I’d rather you just said “thank you” and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you grab an IDE and get to work. Either way, I don’t give a damn about what you think you’re entitled to!
Prosecutor: Did you force push main?
Defendant: I did what I needed to do.
Prosecutor: DID YOU FORCE PUSH MAIN?
Defendant: YOU’RE GODDAMNED RIGHT I DID!
About the Author. Mike Zornek is a developer and teacher focusing on product design and development with a heavy focus on Elixir and LiveView. In between his projects, Mike helps other teams through consulting. During off hours, he enjoyed watching Phillies baseball and playing relaxing video games.
Hopefully, you found interest in my scribbles. If you have commentary or a response, I'd love to hear it.